Boy: So sorry baby, they left us late today but it was fun.
Girl: Ya I saw that on Facebook. Why did you even come here if it was so much fun there? *says all this while scrolling chat list pretentiously to ignore you*
Boy: Ya I mean we removed the brain today! Our batch was super-enthu about it. And guess what! I was the one who removed it! *with eyes expecting an interesting reply*
Girl: Ohh! So it was brain? Really? The pic tells me that you were more interested in the girl next to you.
Boy: Who XYZ? She’s a batchmate re. Chuck that. How are you? *sensing a tantrum on its way*
Girl: Ya right chuck. You have time to post pics with that girl but you don’t have time to be on time for a date but I have all the time na. I’m not a medico you see. I’m off. Bye. *starts packing stuff to leave*
Boy: Pics with her ? What?! I got to see the brain in real for the first time! That’s the reason….*she leaves*
Ok I won’t narrate any further. These are some of the typical conversations we medicos have with our so-called non-medico girlfriends. I don’t have anything against them as such. Basically non-medico chicks are hot. That is not a problem at all. The problem is that they are hot and they know it. Now that is a deadly combination for humanity.
This is not an attempt to be an expert agony aunt(uncle to be specific) to give solutions to such medico-nonmedico relationships. If I start doing that then guys will be in ICUs and girls will be jailed.
Exams are over and I have ample time to systematically think(read waste time) about serious relationship issues. Just kidding, I want to kill time. So here it is!
10 Reasons why NOT to date a NON-MEDICO
1. Faulty field of vision
While they expect you to notice their new hair style, nail polish, eye-liner and rest of that girly crap, you end up noticing their veins , clavicle, carotid pulsations and revise your superficial anatomy notes. Trust me this annoys the shit out of them.
2. Those awkward moments
Every date has a high point when our hand starts to itch (no double meaning here you perverts) and we get that irresistible urge to hold her hand. If everything goes fine then your mission is accomplished. Bravo!*claps with smirk look* After two three romantic lines(that’s the maximum we can do), we end up telling her structures passing above and below the flexor retinaculum or the boundaries of cubital fossa depending upon the level at which you are holding her hand. What? You expect her to correct you if you go wrong? No chance! Look at her face and you’ll realise how frustrated she is.
3. The night is never young
The only time a medico is fully active and comes up with great topics to chat about is post 1am. Our mind is trained for that. It’s like a non-medico’s night is our day and their day is our day too! Unfortunately the chances of her being awake are very less. Unless she’s an insomniac, an architect or a watchman (watchwoman, WTF! Are there any in India? Let’s google!)
4. Being social disasters
We all are social disasters. Admit it! Our exams are strategically placed so that we are forced to hibernate during the most eventful days of our non-medico friends. We skip her dad’s birthday party, the meeting she had fixed with her friends to flaunt about us or even her birthday sometimes. If you’re the one who skipped her birthday because of your universities then you deserve a bro hug. I know how scary and brutal it can be.
When I asked “WHY MUHS WHY? “, he replied(Yes, MUHS is masculine, like in the previous blog post I clarified that all cool things are feminine then all frustrating things are masculine BOREDOM, PROBLEM or MUHS in this case)
MUHS-“ Balak, Yeh sab main tumhare acche ke liye hi kar raha hun. In nasamaj chudailon se bachane ke liye” and when you try to defend her “Aeee chudail kisko bola re?” it comes back to you “Awaz badhata hai? Thik hai balak, viva mein external iss unchi awaz ka ilaj karega”. See I told you!
Ok wait. Hold those tears. I know it’s hard to accept the fact there are people in this world who DON’T like House M.D but it’s time we face the reality. When it comes down to Vampire Diaries Vs Master Chef Vs So you think you can dance Vs House M.D the choice isn’t so obvious for some.( I know I’ve skipped some awesome sitcoms which can beat House too). This is one strong reason, isn’t it?
6. Risky journal completion
Your journals are filled with mistakes. A non-medico never knows the importance of a histology journal. So when you ask her to complete it for you because you already have very less time to study, she innocently messes it up and you are rewarded with redraws. No, sulking is not an option for you because she is in a strong position (by default) remember? She gets to say that extra edgy line “…..and I even completed all your journals. In return you do this to me”*sob sob*
In my mind-“Then what about the date 4 days before my exams when you were gulping down that dessert bitch!” Thankfully I haven’t got a single redraw in first year! Well done my ex! Well done!
7.That guy in black boots
Not only black boots(sneakers), that guy is good-looking, has a bike or even a car, pockets overfilled with cash, a better hairstyle and most importantly the asshole has TIME! He is an unemployed bastard who flirts around your girl. He is your girlfriend’s biggest weapon of emotional blackmailing. Even she hates him but she never tells that to you. Unfortunately we are not that jobless to go beat up that guy. Instead we are victims of this vixen and end up sacrificing our precious time.
8. Facing facebook
As you both belong to two very different species, your friend circle is way too different. Your profile is jammed up with pics and status updates about your college people. Although you know” HOT GIRLS PERSUING MBBS” is a myth she will never understand that. Also, if your girl is superactive on Fb then you cannot fail to notice how despos comment on her profile picture and she replies them back with stupid kissing smilies! THIS- “:*”
Remember the safe period of menstrual cycle fellow medicos? Just like that we have the unsafe period during which we undergo transformation into something really creepy. The ugliness threshold level is crossed. Parachute oil replaces hair gel. That supercool goatee you were sporting has to be shaved off.
Yes. Practical examination is here. So from a day prior to your viva to three days post-viva you are a strong contender of the ugliest guy around her. Not that you give a damn about it but if she’s that girl who fell for you looks then it can get messy in that UNSAFE PERIOD.
The most and maybe the only thing essential for a healthy relationship is “time”. Initially you work like a warrior, slog all night, skip the coffee break after practicals with your friends and also cancel some awesome plans just to meet her for an hour. Later, it gets back to you. If work load can be compared to pokemons then it attains the highest level of evolution by the time exam arrive. Priorities change from bathing and diet to revising those giant books. Even if she is the understanding types, a BIG fight over time issues is definitely on boards. If not, then she’s cheating on you dumbass!
There are more reasons too but these are like the typical ones. What? You disagree? Tch tch tch. I should have added a disclaimer. No? Ok here it goes.
*This article intends to save you from a troublesome future.
*Each point has a “conditions apply” tag which is invisible.
*Not every point is fictional. (If you know what I mean)
That is it. I’m open to all your criticism. Just let me know if I have earned your smile. That was the exact reason of writing this article.
So folks, learn from mistakes, revise the reasons and together we can make this world a better place to live in.
This article is also published on - The Chaotic Soul