The man with immense (il)legitimate and (ir)rational knowledge; the man famous for vomiting questions-rhetoric albeit-has filed an affidavit in the court requesting him to change his name from Arnab Go Swami to Arnab ‘Rhetoric’ Swami.
The reason mentioned in the affidavit is that, Arnab , over the years has begged, beseeched and garnered huge negative popularity as the most prolific and erudite rhetoric questioner present in Indian English media. So this move was touted to give him more BRAND value.
For beginners, Arnab Rhetoric Swami- as he should be called now-runs a successful fish market on Times Now through a show called Newshour Tonight, where Arnab Rhetoric discusses with his panel on the prices to be fixed for fishes which are never caught. ‘Discusses’ is the most silly verb to be used here. The fish market is dominated by only one seller, Arnab. Rest of the panel is his customer. Poor customers are forced to buy questions from Arnab on each and every fish he has to sell. There is more to it. Arnab is in no mood to sell and so he cleverly pretends to be perfect salesman by throwing fishy questions; irrelevant always, only to show his cacophonous ranting ability to the whole nation. The panelists are never allowed to ask any questions back. If they do so, then according to Arnab Rhetoric Swami they are running away from answering his sacred rhetorics!!
Inside sources in the Times Now told me that this type of ‘Branding Style’ was taught to Arnab by Arundam Chaudhari. It says that, even if you don’t have anything ‘quality’ in you to show, show off that you have many by creating ruckus, obfuscation and inducing a larger-than-real picture in the minds of the viewers. As simple as that!!
I was fortunate enough to meet him and ask his views on his new name. But I was soon repenting for doing so. For he, backfired my questions by modifying into rhetoric. Before I could even ask questions he began…
“Mr. Delusional Reporter, do you follow any ethics in Journalism? Do you have any conscience?”
He took out stack of blank white papers and started shuffling it.
“I have proof!! I am farcical man.. ahh..Sorry Factual man. I have facts that you report bullshit all the time. Why do you do so?”
“Asking bullshit rhetoric questions is my style. How can you steal it? Tonight the whole India wants to know. Tonight I am the whole India. Answer them, answer me”
“ Do you think I am a schmuck? Do you think I have easy time in asking questions every time and every where? Of course NO!! At home my wife hits me with all available utensils in the kitchen. And you ridicule me?”
“India needs me!! I am the only rant that can save people from all atrocities and hardships. Do you consider me unworthy? Answer me. I have my panel here. Let me ask them.”
The panel he was having with him was a spotboy, a street dog, a swine having spectacles (coincidentally the swine resembled to someone) and Kumar Ketkar.
He continued to vomit but I had more important things to do. So I left !! Phewww….