Considering Bollywood metaphorically to a jungle and the only rule this jungle being “Survival of the fittest” then all the actors instantly find resemblance in respective animals. Avoiding all the jungle jokes that are popping up in my mind I’ll directly come to the point, releasing this extended weekend on the golden slot of Independence day is the much awaited “Ek Tha Tiger” in which two robust tigers Salman Khan and Yash Raj banner have teamed up for the first time with the most luscious tigress of the industry Katrina-OMFG SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL- Kaif.
Sometimes I envy my Muslim brothers. Every eid they get gifted with a big banner Khan movie. It’s almost a ritual now. Irrespective of how the movie turns out to be they will always enjoy that adrenaline rush to hunt for the tickets for celebrating eid with their iconic superstar. So now as the media analysts and the film critics are busy tracking collections and predicting it to be the biggest opener in the history of Bollywood I’ll try to present my honest opinion as I haven’t been bribed by team tiger and also I have no reason to fear Bhai company.
Unlike the shamelessly made “Ready” and “Bodyguard” this Salman Khan Flick isn’t all about slow motion scenes giving audience ample time to whistle. All those of you hoping to see senseless action scenes ending with a jhakaas dialogue, be ready for a heart-break. Director Kabir Khan “attempts” to tell a story of India’s intelligence officer and a workaholic RAW agent Tiger aka Manish Chandra aka Avinash Singh Rathore played by our very own Bhaijaan who gives up his patriotic emotions when he bumps into this beautiful girl of desi origin, Zoya, played by Katrina Kaif. Like a typical Bollywood masala entertainer our protagonist fights against (around) the whole world quite literally for his love. As simple as that. No thrill in this thriller. To build up Tiger’s character Kabir brings in some quality actors like Ranvir Shorey as Gopi who is Tiger’s associate and Girish Karnad who is Tiger’s mentor cum senior cum booze companion. With an excessively inspired script and highly predictable twists the plot falls flat on the face. However you never fail to appreciate the fact that a certain plot is at least existent and there no cheap bhai jokes throughout the movie.
With a meaningful past record of “Kabul Express” and “New York” one expects Kabir Khan to instill some sense into the commercial Khans and Chopras. Unfortunately “Ek Tha Tiger” turns out to be a battle between a highly commercial production house, a hard-working director and two superstars who survive only on their stardom. It starts off decently with finely directed action sequence by Hollywood action director Conrad Palamisano. Kabir Khan gets to live every Indian director’s dream of designing Salman’s entry frame which is crisp and cool to watch.
Locations play a pivotal role in Kabir Khan Movies. The beauty of this romantic thriller is it’s cinematography by Aseem Mishra. On a large landscape stretching across three continents and five countries the flavor of each city is kept intact. The background score continuously camouflages according to the locations with their typical musical instruments.
Katrina Kaif is much more than an eye candy in this male centric movie. She attempts to recite her Hindi dialogues religiously but shows no improvement since ZNMD. She has this habit to eat up her lines and speaks with an infantile vocal tone. The lighter scenes are over shadowed by her amazingly beautiful skin, mysterious eyes, cheerful outfits and not forget those honey bitten lips. Ok, so even I have started drifting away from topic. See that is what she does, even though she has a deepika like crooked dialogue delivery style she looks so innocently cute that no one will complain about her acting skills.
Coming to the tiger of the jungle now. Salman Khan is no more an actor today. He is a brand name. A Salman Khan movie with such a strategic release date is no less than opening an IPO of a company. Ek Tha Tiger might turn out to be Khan’s mistake at this point of his career as the single screen crowd will be heartbroken with so much sense in the movie and the multiplex audience will complain that it was too predictable and as thrilling as “A Wednesday”.
The problem here is that we have a Yash Chopra producing a thriller. Those cleshay hugs, the senti one liners and the trademark wide frame in which the hero holds the heroine in his arms in some insanely beautiful locations are unavoidable. The director has been forced to put masala elements which break the continuity and make it impossible to create an aura of thrill. This results in a weak script and a dragged screenplay.
Also music in a Khan movie has always played a key role in its popularity. Sohail Sen and Sajid-Wajid fail to give the album a dhinchak touch. Sohail does a decent job by capturing and reflecting the cultures around the world but masses have clearly rejected it. The only good ones being “Laapata” which is pictured freshly in Cuba and “Saiyaara” which is soft track. Rest is crap.
This time we are saved from those signature Rajnikanth style stunts which challenge laws of physics. Although there is a scene in which our tiger kills henchmen with clothes kept for drying. There’s a moment in the song laapata when a man is peacefully reading newspaper and our tiger, with his uncontrolled sex hormones after being seduced by his girl friend leaves an on-going board game with his friends, runs towards his house and in mid-way takes the man’s newspaper and tosses it in the air. The man and the audience as well, all of them go WTF! The biggest ROFL moment is the climax itself because even when the movie ends you still wonder when the climax will arrive. The movie ends so abruptly that you blame yourself for missing the climax. Well brother, there IS no climax in this one. Happy realizations.
I am going with TWO STARS for this over-hyped tiger. Even if you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan you’ll end up questioning yourself that “No. This can’t happen. Where are the insane fights? Those mavali dancers? Those Bhangra beats? And that paisa vasool step that goes rage in rowdy dancers?”
Overall Ek Tha Tiger is very unwatchable. Moreover the multiplexes and single screens have hiked the ticket rates to bank on Khan’s fan following. Personally, I regret wasting around 300 bucks just be in the first day audience club. This will easily take it across the 200 crore mark. Take my advice. Wait till the extended weekend ends and rates fall back to normal. Nothing more than 100 bucks in this potboiler.
Years back, I remember watching a Sunny Deol movie of the same genre. Titled “The Hero- Love story of a spy” this film was 10 times more entertaining than Ek Tha Tiger then and even now. Even Agent Vinod feels better when brought into comparison. So be patient. After few months this very same movie is going to irritate you on television with repeated Sunday telecasts. All the madness and the hype are pure shit and stupidity.
“The overhyped tiger may well set new benchmarks commercially but it is all due to his previous huntings. Rather watch the tigers on Nat Geo or Animal Planet. I bet you’ll yawn less. This is a hunt gone wrong.”