How to cause CHAOS

Posted on Jun 16 2012 - 11:04am by Vardhan Karanjikar

It’s a funny world, a world full of stupidity and equal bouts of intelligence. Still along with the basic necessities of life, our ability to practice stupid and pointless actions of intellistupidity (a condition which I think all humans have developed over a certain time period) has come into existence. We can no longer sit idly chasing the simple things in life, we have become so “evolved” that we have to practice the art of intellistupidity. The art which allows us to use our god given intelligence in stupid things that make as much of a difference as the loss of one beer bottle at a rave party. It just doesn’t matter. However since I am bound by society and its needs, I must be able to tell you how to exercise intellistupidity. The best way to practice intellistupidity is to use the ability to turn any normal activity into a chaos and throw a tantrum.

To learn how to cause chaos, we must understand the basic definition of chaos. A chaos in its very existence is a disturbance that can harm the moral, social and physical (I am not sure how the last one fits into the equation altogether) harmony of a monotonous life. See, chaos is essential in order to break monotony (of course so is creativity in various fields but who takes the hard way right?)

So without anymore bullshit, I humbly present to you; How to cause chaos:-

Step 1:
This is the easy step, all you have to do is observe the various people in your boring surroundings. They might be a mixture of dedicated workers, freak induced nail biters, and my personal favorites the pointless observers. When your surroundings are filled with these races of humans, you should realize how boring of a life you are living in and you must cause chaos to protect your insanity (yes I mean insanity).

Step 2:
Make an abrupt yet very visible change in your surroundings. A change that only a group of people see you make, for example, in a work surrounding you can jumble the files from top to bottom and get spotted by the race of dedicated workers.  They will look at like the way Kapil Sibal looks when he talks about his disdain for IITs in the country. Once you are sure you have been noticed, walk away very quickly and go do something that will keep you occupied for atleast a minute. Most people decide to go to the bathroom and do things (I am sure you can think of a number of things you can do inside a bathroom that might take about a minute).

Step 3:
Go back to the place where you have messed up the order of things. You then should glance at the mess you have made and start screaming the way Anu Malik does when he tries to sing, that is of course complete incoherent babble. Look at the people who saw you mess up the order and start blaming them for messing it up. Then watch them blame you and point in the other direction saying that “I know you did it!!” and bellow like the way an elephant does and call Mumbai the city of “Bombay”.

Step 4:
And your work is done, next just sit down, grab some popcorn and watch as the entire human workforce split itself into two fighting over a point which you stated. If you find the discussion waning at a certain point yell pointless things from the day’s headlines like “Slutwalk”, “Anna Hazare”, “Rahul Gandhi” etc. And you will have succeeded in creating chaos. True Story.

Points to remember:-

1)      If you are actually dumb enough to try this, make sure that you have drunk a certain amount of alcohol to impair your common sense.

2)      If at some point you find your common sense, leave.

3)      If you are about to get beaten up because of this, don’t you dare blame this on me. I warned you.

About the Author

A Zoologist by day, a writer by night, dawn and dusk.