It was a Shocking!! Surprising!! Amazing!! Exhilarating!! Perplexing!! Googly!! Yorker!! Idly!! Wada!! Dosa!! Sambar!! for the unpaid and pauper news channels to bark, crap, yell madly, deeply and foolishly, after the newly formed couple TMC & SP announced their favourite candidates list by defying the Congress’s pet candidates: Pranabda and Ansari.
What was even more shocking!!! Confounding!! Sucking!! F***ing!! was the rarely-taken-stance by Barkh Dutt’s dream boy, Digvijay Singh’s amulya shishya, Prince (UN) Charming Rahul Gandhi, who shunned his own mother’s advertized candidates for President.
In an exclusive ‘personal’ interview to Delusional Reporter, he said, “I, hereby, son of the late bofors-scam-tainted, ex PM Rajiv Gandhi, openly eschew the candidates touted by my dictator mother and declare myself as the only potential candidate.”
He further went on to say, of course with real tears in his eyes, “why should I always listen to my mom!! Everybody listens to her and everybody is paid off handsomely!! What do I get!! A loss in UP elections!!
I didn’t wish to join politics. When I failed to pursue my degree in London, I was so lucky to get a TOILET CLEANING job in the OXFORD University; now I don’t even have that. I cried, beseeched to my moma to let me continue my job there and had planned to set up my own Toilet Cleaning Company soon. I even got contracts from Stanford, Princeton and MIT; all in vain.
She called me up one fine morning when I was about to leave for cleaning the toilet, and said why am I wasting my time cleaning the toilet here and I should stop cleaning the shit of other people and enhance my skills in shitting all over the country. It seems, for her, and not for me because I am aam admi, multi religious and multi lingual man, that India is very huge country and I can shit wherever I want; on whosoever I wish to and she will ask Kapil chacha, Pranab chaha, Mani chacha, Barkha bhoknewali…I mean Brakha didi to clean it up. She said that dignity lies in shiting and not cleaning!! ”
“I was such a fool to believe it. I have told her that, I won’t support her candidates: Pranabda and Ansariji. But will surely support myself for the candidate’s post. From 5 years I listened to my mom and waited patiently to become PM. But Manmohan uncle got it while I didn’t!! now the only post left for me is the PRESIDENT’S post. I am sure to get support of Diggy Dog chacha who has always been more loyal to me than to my mother.”
When asked why he thinks is the best suited candidate for President’s post, he started laughing and said,” You see Mr.Delusional reporter, I always admire your wit, I mean you’re so awesome…in fact you’re an awesomist!! I am surprised why you asked this!! It’s so simple!! You see, when a COOK can become PRESIDENT, a personal MONEY MANAGER can be PM, a PERSONAL LAWYER can become HOME MINISTER, and then, I am her OWN son!! I ought to become something manh!! Only the first mentioned post doesn’t require any skill or so called political cognizance while all others need some skills, which I don’t have!! All I need to do is simply totter different countries; you know, grab someone’s land and build a multimillion dollar bungalow for my after-retirement life. Busssssss…. that’s it.”
Before I could ask him my next question, he guessed my question and answered, “I know my dear delusional reporter what you wanna ask!! You see, I am very well aware of all these since I have got many lickers in the MEDIA and we all sit and decide which questions to be asked. I will answer that. As usual, I will try to sleep in every common man’s house, eat with them, follow their religion for one day, do some pad yatraa and all my regular cheap tricks.”
I lost it completely this time and couldn’t be patient anymore. Hitting hard on his head I said, “You poor Rahul Baba!!! PRESIDENT ISN’T voted by a common man!! You need to get support of parties!! Ahh!! You’re such an a**, jerk!!!”, for which he threw me out of his HUT and warned me not to teach him the rules and regulations of the election!!! Or else he would send CBI dogs behind me……………………