SWOT ANALYSIS OF AN MBBS STUDENT
Well, if you are indeed a medical student, chances are you wouldn’t have a clue as to what a SWOT analysis is. And no, it isn’t a violent version of a swab analysis, so your forensic medicine textbooks can please go back on their bookshelves. (Mind you, if you do own a forensic medicine textbook, it implies you are in the second year- and therefore probably don’t have space for it on your bookshelf anyway).
A SWOT analysis analyses Strengths, Weaknesses (no we aren’t as infallible as we like to pretend!), Opportunities (long term, since you’re going to be studying for a rather vast expanse of the conceivable short term), and Threats (besides the fact that your classmates in other career paths would be finishing their masters and/or working by the time you get a bachelor’s degree).
Yes, our biceps (brachi, not femoris) have a lot of it, what with all the massive books we lug around.
Your average medical student is well versed in stain-remover brands (White. Coat. Must. Be. Kept. White.) and definitely has a detailed map of all the laundry services nearby.
Your average medical student has also developed a keen ability to communicate in the regional language.
“Excuse me, would you please pass me the salt?”
-“Ho, nakki! Hyachatvicharnyasarkhakay?”
(The slightly more linguistically challenged might just reply in yes or no, often used interchangeably.
E.g. Have you studied physiology?
Either way, makes no visible difference to the marks; or to the Asker of the question- for he has already made up his mind that you definitely know more than he does.)
Other strengths include the ability to be competitive with all other medical colleges.
Yes, even on such grave matters as who boards the train first!
(Really now, if your college has stood on the same spot for the past 150 years, it isn’t going to move closer north one fine day!),
Also there is the need to mention your oh-so-difficult-to-get-in‘future options’ at least twice a week, the indefatigable ability to always wax eloquent on how the non-medical world is studying “muuuuuch less”, and the heroic ability to stand at a dissection table for 5-7 hours of the day and still end the day with a smile.
Medical students don’t really have too many. Or so they like to believe.
Most students develop immunity to many of the pathogens affecting normal mortals. Except for an unlucky few.
And life from there is a downward spiral- miss lectures- miss out on practicals- lose out on attendance- lose out on gossip etc.
Medical students have a great weakness for being exceptionally nice to their seniors. This follows an urban legend (or is it?) that your friendliness with your seniors is directly proportional to your marks in the examinations.
Besides that, generations of medical students are also famously known to have an undying weakness for their canteen’s MisalPav and Sabudana Wada (both served with a lemon quarter, of course).
They are plentiful and largely unsurpassable.
Ouch! I awoke with a bad neck ache this morning…
Oh no! What a grave, complicated situation! It could be Freggenbauerson Syndrome! That’s a progressive degenerative psychosomatic chronic potentially malignant condition with a 0.00012% chance of surviving a year after diagnosis.
-Innocent friend freaks out.
(Still dishing out the gyaan.)
Dude, you probably just slept in an uncomfortable position. You need to keep your neck dorsiflexed progressively increasing the radius of circumductive movements.
-Moral of the story:
Good-looking girl watching nearby is officially bowled over.
Medical students have amazing opportunities. They get to dissect real human bodies (don’t see that happening in Fashion Designing, eh!). They get to speak a lofty language others don’t understand (and li’l secret, usually they don’t understand it themselves). Well, anything to sound smart!
And probably the best of the lot,
They also get to better human lives and alleviate suffering as best as they can.
If only the Great Bard had professed, “Threats, thy name is an engineering student!” he would doubtless have been conferred by popular demand many an honorary neuroscience degree!
Reasons why engineering students are akin to a rather unsightly blotch on a JVP graph:
- They get a bachelor’s degree 4 years after high school.
(Ha! An education in just 4 years? A hilarious joke if ever I heard one!)
- They have more holidays.
- They have infinitely more post-grad seats.
- They start earning much before an MBBS student even dreams of it.
- Barely a month into the 12th grade, no neighbourhood aunties ask them, ‘Oh so Beta, 15 years from now, do you see yourself as a neurosurgeon, or a cardiac surgeon?’
- The general public perception is that they have “a life” while we med students apparently don’t.
But we stoically rubbish this claim, since we are sure it is physiologically impossible to be dead and still study Guyton’s Physiology.In fact for some it remains physiologically impossible despite being alive!
- Last, and possibly the most deep-rooted cause of this age-old not-so-subtle rivalry,
Engineering students are known to covertly snatch ‘em eligible bachelors and bachelorettes right from under med students’ rhinovirus-inflicted noses!
So, ladies, gentlemen, and engineering students (i.e. Lord Voldemort’s representatives in the muggle world),
My SWOT Analysis ends here.
More due to word limit constraints than lack of subject matter- you may rest assured that any MBBS student worth their weight in Question Banks will have enough to say about engineering students even in their sleep.
A condition called Somniloquy, FYI.
(Ah, just couldn’t resist!)
(Here referring to the population of the world, minus engineering students.)
And, here’s wishing you a very happy New Year, I do hope this year finds you in great health and humour!